Ok stupid behavior around wild animals aside, it’s fucking metal that his wife PUNCHED A HIPPO to release his body from its mouth!
Humans are insanely terrifying when pushed to our max, there’s a reason why we’re the apex predators of this planet: endurance hunters with adrenaline. Imagine sprinting full speed 25mph for your life and everytime you look over your shoulder there’s this murder hobo creepily smiling, eyes wide, slowly gaining on you as your last few ounces of energy give out. Then when you finally collapse from exhaustion after running literal miles, this hairless ape stands over you and activates its internally wired cheat code of dumping 3ml of pure adrenaline into its blood and proceeds to rip your flesh away with its bare hands.
Long story short, humans are crazy fucking scary.
Hippos kill as many people across Africa annually as crocs.
Hippos are the world’s biggest assholes. Evidence of which is that their tail spins so they can spew their shit everywhere like a fountain. Look it up.
They have tusks that can get up to around the length of your forearm.
They are vegetarian. They kill for pleasure. Or, when slightly agitated. Unlike many megafauna, they do not mock charge to warn before an attack. They are assholes. So they just attack sometimes. But, you have to be close enough for them to attack.
The guy in this article is insanely lucky to be alive. He owes his life to his spouse and the tour operator should be sent to jail for negligence. I’ve almost been attacked by a hippo in a small boat because the boat wouldn’t start. The guide knew he had fucked up. Hippos are not shy or subtle. Murky water or not, you know when they are around. Especially, mothers hang out in pods. This was not some random attack. This was risk taken.
I grew up in the north woods and I remember my grandma warning us very sternly, on multiple occasions, about being on the look out for black bears with cubs. She would say something along the lines of, “If you see a mama bear with cubs, you best scram and make a show out if it because you’re in her territory and she will always see you as a threat.”
Black bears will avoid humans unless you startle or corner them. Hippos, on the other hand, see humans as a threat and happen to be 2+ tons of sheer malevolence.
They don’t see us as a threat. They just don’t like anything not vaguely hippo shaped, and even don’t like hippo shapes on occasion.
Let’s go to this dangerous fucking territory for our honeymoon despite multiple warnings about momma hippo mega beast who is multiple tons of pure muscle, so much muscle she can’t even float. She’s rearing her cubs and we’re gonna piss her off because I need those Instagram likes, a creature that could fuck up a school bus for funsies and be shocked when it knocks my guts out. Then I’m gunna write an expose about the beauty of nature, my wife tackling it fruitlessly like a gnat fighting a honey badger, and this was totally unexpected/expected situation. Gods these people are stupid.
What you describe does happen. But this doesn’t seem like it was the case.
It seems more like they were trusting the guides too much. They were on a plant tour in a swamp. Probably runs weekly or something and had no issues. So the company got lax. The tour company is probably the real ones to blame.Though… he did say he stopped to take a picture instead of getting the hell out of there. So he caries some blame. But likely he thought he was far enough away. Again, the tour company shouldn’t have taken them anywhere near that hippo.
There is no mention of social media, being shocked other than actual medical shock, exposé’. Very little mention of beauty of nature, no multiple warnings. The wife part of the story doesn’t seem all that unlikely if she did indeed hit it and it did indeed drop him. It may have been going to happen the samr way without her but who is to know, maybe the hippo realised two threats would endanger the cubs and retreated to protect them.
Comments like these are just captain hindsight iamverysmart territory. Humans have looked to be close and explore nature since time began, before instagram but you got yourself so upset you created a new narrative.
We used to go tubing down a tributary of the Congo river in, what was then, Zaire. A month after we left the area, another tuber was dragged under the water and drowned. If you get hippo warnings, don’t go.
I wrote a reenactment.
“There’s a dangerous mother hippo in the area.”
“Well, we’re here to see plants, not hippos. Should we cancel?”
“Of course not. We’d have to give the money back. We’ll just stay away from it when we go to where it is in our tiny, flimsy boats.”
“It’s right there. I’m going to take a picture instead of paddlAAAAAAAGH-“
Some people watch horror movies and think, “Why don’t they just leave?” or “Why would they go there in the first place?” Others apparently start booking flights.
I’ve been in foriegn countries and done a few excursions. They always say it’s perfectly safe. And it is really hard to know if they are smart enough to actually know if it is safe or not. And tourists rarely have the information they need to know if they should believe the tour company.
“What’s the Wildest euphemism for sex with your husband you can think of?”
Headline:
These anime titles are really getting weird aren’t they
Sir, you might be in the wrong forum. This is an emo song.
no you’re in the wrong forum, this is clearly a death metal song!
/j
Huh, I thought it was a bluey episode
Pretty sure it’s a Japanese adult video title.
So did my wife! (I have a serious weight problem.)
I hope it gets better.
Jokes aside, it is! I’m back on intermittent fasting and have lost 10 pounds in the last month!
Nice! Not to be that guy, but have you tried combining it with keto? That combo helped me lose 80-plus pounds.
Yeah! I mean I’m not like, going whole hog keto yet but I am trying to reduce the level of sugars when I do eat. Keep that glycemic index low! Unfortunately I have a sweet tooth, and I want to be sustainable, so I’m being cautious.
Couple things I’ve found are Danon Oikos Greek yogurt (with frozen fruit like blueberries or Costco triple berries) and Olipop soda for sweet things without a lot of sugar.
Hey that’s great. Keep it up 💪
And all I got was this lousy t shirt
That seems… Less than ideal.
Maybe don’t fuck around near hippos. 🤦
The article states that they did not engage the hippo and tried to stay away. They also never blamed the hippo for displaying their natural behavior by attacking them. Shit happens.
They were warned it was there and even spotted it themselves, yet drifted away from the group and were subsequently attacked by a protective mother.
That’s deff not the hippos fault, that’s on whoever was captaining the canoe.
Don’t fuck around near hippos.
Neither I nor the people who got attacked blamed the hippo. They were on a guided tour with other people and tried to avoid coming too close. I would say that you would expect to be relatively safe when being guided by people who deal with such situations regularly. Such things can just happen. I would not blame them for being too reckless
Dumbasses. FAFO.
deleted by creator
what a golden headline
deleted by creator
No photos of blood. Fake.
Hippos don’t bleed.
