Leading up to my recent 40th, I went on a little tour of contacting people to tie up loose ends/seek closure where it was lacking. It was really helpful, even though at least one person worried I was planning to kill myself.

Damn, I’m scared to consider one.

I was shocked nobody had called it, yet! Unexpectedly big day for me.

Probably because my parents would whip me with a cat of nine tails if I rushed. Old habits die hard!

Anyway, did you want to upgrade to a large for just fifty cents more?

Dibs

Yeah, I drive a Mazda.

They don’t give a fuck.

I think it kinda makes it hotter? Cuz they’re all like, “Noooo…not two women! We’re so old-fashioned!” But way more people support the lesbianism of socialism.

Tesla owner?

I’m an anus man.

How do you explain people who like poop, etc? Maybe that’s humanity evolving beyond past limitations?

If you’re neglecting blinker fluid, you’re sitting on a ticking time bomb. PLEASE take it to the most-expensive import specialist mechanic ASAP, for your own safety!

This is how acid makes me feel. Everything about people becomes so…gross. Dirty, oily, grimy. Yuck.

Narcissism?

Sebaceous glands? Yuck! No, thank you!

Unexpected compliment for my connected lobes, thanks. I guess I should start wearing earrings.

If you’re open to a book that might help, consider this one.

Boobs in your face > boobs not in your face.

I wear my fanciest shoes when naked to distract from my penis.

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