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When you’re kind to people or simply are polite, they help you.
I swear everyone needs to work retail for a bit because that’s so painfully obvious once you’ve done a few weeks of it. I never went of my way to help someone who was being a dick
Or food service.
I missed a flight once due to delayed connections. I went to the help desk, and in front of me, a rich guy was arguing with the company employee. He was rude and frustrated and left angry, having failed to get the upgrade or whatever he’d wanted. I was next in the queue and offered an empathetic smile and rolling of eyes, then politely explained my situation.
The clerk was clearly still pissed at the previous interaction and didn’t crack a smile but simply listened, then slid me over a new ticket for the next flight and winked. I thanked him and scuttled off. I decided to find a place to charge my phone and only then inspected the ticket to confirm how long I had until boarding.
It turns out he’d upgraded me to business class and given me full access to the lounge area where I could charge my phone in comfort and have all the free booze and snacks I want.
That’s not really a hack so much as the basic behaviour on which all human success is predicated.
Unless you see success as being a billionaire.
There’s no way for me to judge myself by that yardstick and not want to [redacted] myself in the grawlix.
Not even. Cooperation is the logically smart thing in long running games. You have to be disturbed and enjoy inflicting pain to do that.
So real. I ask the food truck guys “how you doing” rather seriously and they always give me a little more than everyone else. It’s such little effort to care, and try it seems make me stand out from others.
Or they take advantage of you
Possible but unlikely.
The net result is positive all the same.
And even if they are paid to help you, it makes a big difference to if they put your task on the top or the bottom of their pile of stuff to do.
I used to do a lot of driving for work and it’s important to manage stress in traffic. Whenever someone would do something that aggravated me, I’d pretend that they did it for some silly reason and it helped me stay calm.
Someone cut you off? They must have have to shit so bad. Someone driving crazy fast? They’re trying to get to their wife before their girlfriend does.
I’ve done this, too. Driving super slow? They’ve got a 3-tier cake in the backseat.
Ha! This is a great idea
Believe it or not, having a Tesla (bought in 2018) completely fixed this for me. I don’t get NEARLY as mad when someone is driving faster or in the left lane slowly. My car keeps distance and speed really well. It’s not aggravating to keep stepping on the breaks anymore. Any adaptive cruise will do this just fine.
I honestly try to do this. People have emergencies. I’ve blown through red lights and driven like a maniac to drive a friend to the hospital when I found him passed out on the lawn with a collapsed lung.
Whenever someone is doing, or is about to do, something stupid, simply say out loud what they’re doing, and ask what they want to happen.
It’s a great hack, but it takes finesse to keep my mask on when I do it
This is also good when self-directed. Usually framed as mindfulness.
Get into the habit of just observing what you’re doing, and stating it to yourself (out loud or just in your mind). When you’re doing something you don’t want to do (eg, eating too much, procrastinating, losing your temper), looking at it from a disconnected perspective helps you evaluate the costs and reconsider.
Oh wow, I do this to my 4 year old when he’s about to make a mess.
“What is the end result you’re looking for?” That’s my version of this.
“What are you trying to accomplish?”
Or, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing!”
I’m not very good at this.
If you don’t want to go outside, put on sunscreen. Might as well go outside now so as not to waste it.
Hahahaha this is really funny. I really like it. (This reads sarcastically but it’s the truth)
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When I have a thought I don’t want, i hum a little tune
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When I feel bad about something happening right now I remind myself that no feeling is forever, everything is temporary, there’s always a tomorrow
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When I feel bad about something that happened in the past I remind myself that happened to me, that I transcended it, and it doesn’t define me, but allowed me to make better choices in future
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I swapped alcohol and soda for seltzer
Relating to #3. If something really traumatic happened to you that is still affecting you I heard it’s helpful to imagine it like you have this “trauma thing”. It’s not really part of you but something you carry and which kind of has its own will. Really like a small person living in your head. Makes it easier to realize you can decide to listen/react to it or not.
I should really drink less often, the calories aren’t worth it…
Try drinking a lot more. Life will get so utterly insufferable that you’ll end up with the choice between death and sobriety.
I chose sobriety, the thought of touching alcohol gives me anxiety
Have tried drinking too much, I gained two stone and slept like shit? Being hot and not cranky are really important to me, I’m finding
Wow All the same for me! Except #3 I remind myself that it wasn’t me, there’s barely any of the same atoms in my body from then. It’s an experience I hold but it’s not me now at all
These are all good, I practice them myself.
For number one, though, I usually shout at myself for a startle. Stops the thought in its tracks. Also, I’m not sure replacing an unwanted thought with a tune wedgie is a great trade-off.
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Just tell yourself you’re not going to lift heavy/are going to lift light. When you don’t have the motivation (or whatever) to go to the gym, tell yourself this. Like, “I’m not going to work too hard. It’ll be easy.” Works a treat. Then even if you end up doing that (which is unlikely - I always end up getting in the mood hehe) then at least you did something and kept the momentum.
Edit to say: The hardest lift is getting off the couch.
That kind of thinking can work with anything, too. If I’m having trouble getting myself to do something, telling myself I’m just going to do a tiny part of it (put one dish in the dishwasher, etc.) often helps.
Noice! I’ll definitely try this as well
“never leave a room empty-handed” if you are leaving a room look around for something that doesn’t below to that room take it with you and just move it somewhere close where it’s supposed to be, eventually it’s going to find it’s place.
I actually started doing that 4 years ago. Not as consistently as i should, but it really helped me get out of my depression hole. I kept uttering the phrase: if you see something, do something. I found it pretty amusing, and it worked (and still does) bit for bit.
Works with teaching kids to clean litterboxes, too! If you smell something, do something.
Especially if the reason you smell something is that you did something.
bonus: makes the people who live there think they have a poltergeist.
And if you can’t see anything that should leave the room, you know you’re doing pretty well!
I do the same, its so nice not needing to worry as much with cleaning.
ABC - Always Be Carrying
I learned this while working at a restaurant.
I do method acting, like “in this next scene I am going to play an extrovert who enjoys making small talk at professional conferences with potential customers and employers”
That is actually pretty clever.
i have this excellent therapy comic book from the 70s that therapygary might know about called the facade (it’s buried in my bookshelf across the room and i am tired from dancing yesterday or else i’d grab the author and some photos) all about how people mask. basically, your conference facade is
an extrovert who enjoys making small talk at professional conferences with potential customers and employers
but at home with your loved ones you get to be your actual you, where you recharge.
i used to think of it as putting up my shields ala star trek when i go out
If someone is using rhetorical questions in a discussion, answer them earnestly. If you’re not a prick about it it’s a great way to defuse a heated debate sometimes.
Cleaning when I feel bad. Getting rid of physical things is a substitute for getting rid of mental things. Clean outside = clean(er) inside.
If you’re overthinking or worried about something you can’t control, other than something like planning for contingency, all that overthinking is pointless. Worse than pointless, since it adds stress and anxiety. There’s usually zero real benefit.
It takes practice, but being able to say to yourself "well, I’ll deal with that when it happens. No point in worrying about that now, " helps keep you out of the doom loop.
“Don’t borrow trouble” is one of my mottos.
I just tell myself nothing really matters and we are going to die anyway, this really cheers me up, else I’d be too worried about all the shit going on.
Nobody gets out alive; eat that jar of mayo
There is this Yiddish joke I heard somewhere, it went like this:
Guy is drafted to WW1, and is super scared. His best friend tried to console him:
"Listen, when you get to the draft office, there are two options: unfit or able. Unfit is good! But let’s say you get able.
Then there are two options again: staff or troops. Staff is good! But let’s say you get troops.
Then there are two options: rear or front. Rear is good! But let’s say you get front.
Then there are two options: you make it through or you get hit. Making it through is good! But say you get hit.
Then there are two options: you get wounded and go home, or you get a mortal hit. Wounded and going home is good!
And to be frank, in the other case, you won’t be able to worry anyway…"
Sometimes that’s the only silver lining
I’ve heard of ominous positivity. Like “you will get through this no matter what”
Go to therapy and work on yourself deliberately for years and years. It works. I was super messed up and hateful and angry and I would never have believed that I could love myself, but I do.
I know “cheat code” implies quick or easy or both and this isn’t either one, but it’s life changing if you do it.
Be kind to your future self.
Helps me when I feel like procrastinating or overworking.
Nah, future me is an asshole, let him deal with the consequences.
Come to think of it, past me was an asshole too.
Does it help you in acceptance or in not doing it?
A bit of both.
If I’m taking on something when I already have a full schedule, I think this and decide if I should pursue the activity or not.
Otherwise, if I’m feeling lazy, I think of what my future self would have to put up with if I didn’t do that particular task.
I hope that made some sense.
And to your past self. I frequently go like, “wait, did I actually do that?” and then congrstulate my pas self becaus I really did.
In other words, don’t be like Seinfeld’s night guy and morning guy. “Every guy has two guys living inside him - night guy and morning guy. Night guy constantly screws morning guy over - stays out til 3am, spends all his money on booze… then morning guy has to go to work with a hangover and can’t afford an oil change. And morning guy can’t do a thing about it, except lose his job so night guy doesn’t have any money to go out.”
When I can’t find something in the house after searching for a few minutes, I make a conscious decision to give up and take another approach - go buy the missing tool again, use a different material, whatever. The point is to decide it doesn’t matter where the thing is. Most of the time I immediately look right at whatever I was looking for - as in within a few seconds. Family members are used to hearing me say out loud, “I’m just gonna go to Tru-Value and get another - Oh, here it is!” It works that fast and is very reliable.
My theory about this is that part of my brain knows where the item is all along, but enjoys the treasure hunt and won’t let the information come to the conscious level. But once I sincerely decide to give up the search - it has to be a genuine decision, there’s no faking it - that part of my brain knows the game is over and reveals where the thing is. But who knows, I’m no psychologist.
There was this CGP Grey episode “You are two” from some time ago which is a great watch, and I truly love the idea of your brain just messing with you.
This happens to me too. I usually have to say ‘where the fuck are my glasses?’ and then I find them immediately.
I always assumed it was because the world is really quantum and it doesn’t know to show you the item until you tell it to.
Maybe we are living in a simulation and it doesn’t show the item until you speak it.
