Hello there, I’m a 21 year old guy from Germany and have very strong depression because of the constant abusive, toxic and manipulative behavior that I received from my parents since I was a kid.

Those strong depression are also the reason why I struggle a lot in life to get anything done by myself and become independent.

I already lived on my own when I was 17 but I failed because of my depression that made me incapable of taking care of myself which is why I moved back to my parents a year ago who only make it way worse for me because they won’t stop hurting me and treating me like a awful person.

I feel so stuck in life and I tried everything from therapy, mental hospital and medications but nothing worked. The burden is just too strong causing me to feel worthless and incapable of living, I have lots of shame, guilt and major anxiety.

It’s like being paralyzed by the fear of life.

My biggest dream always was to get rid of my parents and live independently on my own but I’m just incapable. I wanna get rid of this victim state so bad but I can’t find a way to escape/deal with the hurt.

Is there anything I can do?

  • snek_boi@lemmy.mlEnglish
    3·
    8 days ago

    I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling so much. It sounds like you’ve tried multiple avenues and they haven’t been as rewarding or transformative as you thought.

    I know you’ve had a disappointing experience with therapy. You will think that what I will suggest has a low likelihood of succeeding. However, it sounds like you’re also open to options that could help.

    Imagine the longest essay you’ve ever had to write for school. A dozen pages? Two dozen? Now picture it in front of you, printed out, on a desk. Imagine there’s ten copies of your essay spread around the desk. Add another layer of essays on top. And another. And another. A hundred times. If you organized the documents into a single stack of paper, it would be 1.2 meters tall. That is how many randomly controlled trials there are on the effectiveness of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

    Here are two places where you can look at the evidence: one and two.

    ACT has changed my life and that of hundreds of thousands of people. While I would suggest to get an ACT therapist (and a good one!), there is evidence that you can learn the skills of psychological flexibility if you engage in the appropriate mental processes, regardless of how. You can learn about how to do ACT exercises in A Liberated Mind, which you can find here https://stevenchayes.com/.

    I have to concede that I personally like the way that ACT is explained by Steven Hayes. After all, he is a developer of ACT and of the theory behind it that explains why it works. However, there are many ways of becoming more psychologically flexible. Other people in this thread have mentioned meditation, for example. What’s important is that it works for you!

    I wish you the best of luck and please feel free to ask questions!

    • AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.netEnglish
      2·
      7 days ago

      Just chipping in to second the recommendation for ACT. I haven’t have ACT delivered by a therapist (yet?), but I have had a heckton of other therapy (mostly Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which seems to be what they offer by default). CBT helped in some ways, but I found it pretty lacking in many others, especially in areas where my life circumstances were just objectively shit (disability and living with shitty family at the time, for example). I’ve been reading through one or two of the ACT books lately, and I find the approach refreshing compared to other therapy I’ve got experience with.