Hello there, I’m a 21 year old guy from Germany and have very strong depression because of the constant abusive, toxic and manipulative behavior that I received from my parents since I was a kid.
Those strong depression are also the reason why I struggle a lot in life to get anything done by myself and become independent.
I already lived on my own when I was 17 but I failed because of my depression that made me incapable of taking care of myself which is why I moved back to my parents a year ago who only make it way worse for me because they won’t stop hurting me and treating me like a awful person.
I feel so stuck in life and I tried everything from therapy, mental hospital and medications but nothing worked. The burden is just too strong causing me to feel worthless and incapable of living, I have lots of shame, guilt and major anxiety.
It’s like being paralyzed by the fear of life.
My biggest dream always was to get rid of my parents and live independently on my own but I’m just incapable. I wanna get rid of this victim state so bad but I can’t find a way to escape/deal with the hurt.
Is there anything I can do?
Sounds to me like you could use a good therapist. I know you said you’ve already tried that, but you can try a different therapist if the one you have isn’t working. A good therapist will be able to help you to successfully break away from toxic people (including toxic family members), and also help you to stabilize in your new toxic-person-free life.
Medication can help with the depression, speak to your doctor about what options are available to you.
As for becoming more independent, you need employment that pays enough to cover your bills. If this is not available to you, then think about what you can do to lower your cost of living? Can you move in with a friend? Or get a roommate?
When I first moved out, I rented a house with some people I didn’t know, and ended up becoming lifelong friends with two of them. Renting a room in a house was a better option for me as it was cheaper to do this than to rent an apartment on my own, I got access to more living space (and a backyard-and going outside does wonders for mental health), and because I had roommates who were already set up in the house, the only “stuff” I needed to provide for myself was my own bedroom furniture. It worked really well as an in between step in my own path to independence. Maybe this is also an option for you.
Thanks a lot for these tips I really appreciate that. I wish I had any friend I could talk to but unfortunately I don’t have a single friend. But I’m happy that you had something that worked out for you!
I didn’t know my roommates when I first moved in with them. I found a listing for “roommate wanted” and “student housing” in an area not too far away from the university, far enough that transportation would be needed to get there (meaning much cheaper rent), but still considered to be in the greater general area. I wasn’t a student, but that didn’t matter. And the friends I made when I moved in became my lifeline.
I was in a similar sounding situation to what you’ve described, and I promise you, it will get easier. I doubt things will ever be actually easy, but think about how boring life would be if we didn’t have to struggle a little and get creative, hey? It helps to break down these larger problems into smaller pieces, if possible. They’re more manageable that way.