Bead of (Uncomfortable) Nourishment: Standard effect, but must be taken nasally. Oral absorption may cause permanent magical flatus.
Band of Gorilla Repair: Once per day, can repair anything, or rather, will summon 1d4 (can be modified depending on the size of the job) massive gorillas who show up seemingly out of nowhere whenever anything near the wearer breaks or is heavily damaged. The gorillas can repair anything.
Those not expecting to see a bunch of repair-happy gorillas must make a fear check.
These mysterious gorillas are actually friendly and fix whatever thing was broken, but beware, their patience quickly runs out for anybody intentionally causing disrepair or destruction in their presence!
A magic sword that can instantly kill anything it touches but it’s stuck in it sheath and can’t be removed.
That’s just a regular YA novel sword
Praytell the price on yon banana blade to your left, fair merchant? I find it somewhat a-peeling
Immovable Rod: Only one end of the rod is fixed in space, the other end swings freely.
Immovable Rod: when activated, it becomes fixed in its position in space, ignoring the motion of the planet. The moment it’s activated, it flies off into the sky or through the earth depending on the time of day, destroying everything in its path.
Potentially extremely useful with a lot of planning, once.
Oh boy, now we run into the problem of “there is no such thing as a neutral universal spatial grid/position”. Since all position is relative, perhaps pressing the button locks it in place relative to the sun instead of the planet? Maybe this special version is marked with a sun symbol, if you’re lucky.
Also note that Immovable Rods typically have a maximum weight or Strength check that can either cause them to deactivate or move them or whatever. 8,000 pounds and DC 28 Str come to mind from one or another version, so this probably wouldn’t tear through the whole planet, but it could still rough up some buildings and moderate rock.
Scroll of Gorilla Warfare. When used summons 15 gorillas. These gorillas are wild and do not obey orders given by the caster.
The gorillas disappear after 1d12 rounds. This effect ‘echoes’ 1d6 times, effectively recasting the spell after 1d6 rounds.
Bag of Communal Holding
Content is shared with all other bags of communal holding in existence. Sometimes retrieving objects involves awkward hand contact if someone else is using their bag at the same time.
Broom of Flying Yes its a broom that allows you to fly
No one ever said anything about landing The broom cannot come down lower than 30 feet from the ground. Dismounting will stop the broom and allow you to pick it up, as long as your concious from the fall
That would actually be pretty amazing for a beach holiday.
I was hoping it stays up in the air so you have to tie it like a ballon.
I missed a trick with that
Your version maybe funnier because one of the safest ways to land is to jump into water, but then the broom is in the water too.
That makes it too easy: just attach a ropeladder to the broom. That doesn’t work if the broom stops levitating when you get off.
Invisibility potion that turns your digestive track and stomach contents invisible.
Magic rope - an animated rope that can be commanded to levitate and tie knots. When placed in any container, pouch or pocket, it immediately gets tangled up and take 1d6 minutes per 5ft of rope to untangle. Other objects in the container also become tangled with the rope, and take 1d6 minutes to remove individually, entangled objects are released immediately when the entire rope is untangled.
Magic rope is unable to be cut by any non-magical item.
it immediately gets tangled up and take 1d6 minutes per 5ft of rope to untangle
Should be a Dexterity check per 5ft per 1d6 minutes to make it even more diabolical.
I gifted my party a sapient dagger. It was really good too. It was a 1d6 but let you attack again, but rolling a 5 or less on the die makes you insane because the dagger insults the user so badly for missing. If it happened 12 times, the character died. They used it from level 3 or 4 through the end of the campaign at level 18, since there was no cap on how often you could attack again.
Alternatively, rolling a 1 makes you roll the damage against yourself, but it’s a permanent loss of max HP as a psychic effect. It kills you if you hit 0 max HP. Anything that would let you recover the max HP, like straight-up wish (greater restoration isn’t good enough) also makes the dagger not work for you any more because you cheated.
With the cheating stipulation I’d personally let greater restoration work too.
I re-read greater restoration, because 5e was never really my game (3.5), and saw one of its uses was explicitly to end one effect reducing your hit point maximum. So I’d amend my earlier and say yeah, that spell works. Since my reading is that it’d only reverse a single crit fail’s penalty per casting - not to mention the spell has a smallish material component cost (100 gp diamond) - the weapon wouldn’t call it cheating, per se.
As the dagger’s main thing is that it’s a 1d6 instead of 1d4, that’s only +1 point of damage per hit on average. 1 in 20 hits backfires, so essentially the cost for 19 extra damage over 19 hits per penalty taken, reversing just the one with a 5th level spell… there’s better ways to do 19 damage with a 5th level spell, so probably not really cheating :)
Correct if I’m misremembering the general benefits of the sapient dagger.
I thought the special thing was the extra attack mentioned in the dagger at the top of the comment thread. That would seem very powerful. Your reasoning is sound for the 1d6 dagger though.
Lembas bread but it’s 1000 years past it’s due date and you will get diarrhoea equivalent to its food value.
you can show it to a sailor and they’ll start uncontrollably screaming in horror
if you clack two pieces together the sound is loud enough to rupture eardrums
I feel like this would fit here nicely
Arrows of Accuracy: These arrows will always hit. Starting from the target, then out from that point, the hit roll is checked against defenses.
If nobody is hit, the arrow strikes the firer.
Can just imagine the arrow running around like a terrifying game of duck duck goose
Periapt of health: this is a small vial with a red liquid inside attached to a small chain. While wearing this, all diseases that you would otherwise contract enter the small vial instead. If the vial is broken, the closest creature will immediately contract all diseases contained within.
Deck of many things (used): the previous owners of this deck got all that they could have wished for. The remaining cards might not be the best.
Ring of mind shielding: the creator of this ring was a bit over-zealous. Along with the usual effects, this ring will censor violence, sex, and other uncouth things.
Cloak of the bat: along with the usual effects, wearing this cloak will also make you speak bat. You will only be able to produce high-pitched squeaks.
Portable hole: this portable hole is bottomless! Anything that falls down the hole is lost forever.
Oof, that periapt of health. Contract everything you can, then chuck it at an enemy. What a grenade.
