There was a place by the beach called Helenback.

My siblings and I in the car: Where are we going?

Mum (shouting): Hell and back!

I was an adult before I realised it had another name.

I thought that dogs were boys and cats were girls. No idea why.

Its funny, my niece made it to like 8 thinking that aunts were adults and uncles were kids. She had one young uncle, and me. Called me “Auntie Phanto.” I still haven’t lived it down.

That there’s a loving God.

Now it seems clear that even if he did exist, he’s just above average asshole