Hello there, I’m a 21 year old guy from Germany and have very strong depression because of the constant abusive, toxic and manipulative behavior that I received from my parents since I was a kid.
Those strong depression are also the reason why I struggle a lot in life to get anything done by myself and become independent.
I already lived on my own when I was 17 but I failed because of my depression that made me incapable of taking care of myself which is why I moved back to my parents a year ago who only make it way worse for me because they won’t stop hurting me and treating me like a awful person.
I feel so stuck in life and I tried everything from therapy, mental hospital and medications but nothing worked. The burden is just too strong causing me to feel worthless and incapable of living, I have lots of shame, guilt and major anxiety.
It’s like being paralyzed by the fear of life.
My biggest dream always was to get rid of my parents and live independently on my own but I’m just incapable. I wanna get rid of this victim state so bad but I can’t find a way to escape/deal with the hurt.
Is there anything I can do?
Yes, lot of stuff that you can’t even think about.
Your mind is playing tricks on you. It manipulates reality into an image that seems hopless and for you its the true state of the world.
Step 0 is to find safe space.
For starters I began with walking out of the house as much as possible (walks, riding a bike, hanging out in the libraries and malls to not freeze during wintrer)
Find minimum wage job that you can hold for a longer amount of time so you can earn money to try and rent a room somewhere to escape from your house.
Then you can proceed into step number one, where therapy and medication begin to work as you have safe space to go back to every day.
There maybe a possibility to convince your parents to send you away into the university and to live in cheap dorm rooms where you could escape from home and back in your healing journey.