Hello there, I’m a 21 year old guy from Germany and have very strong depression because of the constant abusive, toxic and manipulative behavior that I received from my parents since I was a kid.
Those strong depression are also the reason why I struggle a lot in life to get anything done by myself and become independent.
I already lived on my own when I was 17 but I failed because of my depression that made me incapable of taking care of myself which is why I moved back to my parents a year ago who only make it way worse for me because they won’t stop hurting me and treating me like a awful person.
I feel so stuck in life and I tried everything from therapy, mental hospital and medications but nothing worked. The burden is just too strong causing me to feel worthless and incapable of living, I have lots of shame, guilt and major anxiety.
It’s like being paralyzed by the fear of life.
My biggest dream always was to get rid of my parents and live independently on my own but I’m just incapable. I wanna get rid of this victim state so bad but I can’t find a way to escape/deal with the hurt.
Is there anything I can do?
You’re 21, there is still much to be learned and experienced and healed. You have a lot of time to figure yourself and the world out.
Give yourself the time!
I can understand on some level the difficulties you face, I’m not sure if there’s any advice I can give that will translate, but my best is:
You don’t have to have it all figured out by now.
Make mistakes, take chances, be wrong. Give yourself the flexibility and oppertunities to understand what you are and are not. Just trial and error your hobbies, friends, activities, and jobs - eventually you’ll target or even accidentally bump into something that works for you.
It takes a long time to build yourself into something you like. But eventually it does happen, and its rarely into something you predict.