I have an hairy ass, I love Banana, and act like a 3 year old, therefore I must be

I’m not nimble enough to be a monkey.

Before I was born, it had already been determined that, while I am a simian, I’m neither an Old World monkey nor a New World monkey, but an ape.

The tail was a big giveaway.

Whenever I shit into my hand I have a strong urge to throw it at people.