Hi,
This is going to be a bit of a crazy story. I heard this from someone and now I am so angry at this other person where I am willing to lose my virginity to put him in his place. But I feel like this is incredibly stupid. So here goes.
I am a man, in my mid twenties and still a virgin mainly because I want to lose it to the right person. I am still in college and we just got some new students to join our fraternity. I meet this new guy (let’s call him Ben) and he’s really friendly, relaxed and has a positive atmosphere about him. In fact, he even manages to get some more people to sign up, so really good stuff. During parties he also invites over some girls that he know and I get to meet this female friend of his (let’s refer to her as Beth). She’s also fun to be around, bit of a heavy set woman but a really good dancer none the less. About a month passes, we’re at a house party and we’re standing outside. Beth is smoking a sigaret, I’m just outside to take a break from all the stimuli. We get to talk and out of the blue she tells me how she doesn’t like the fact that Ben keeps calling her a whore. At first I thought she was kidding because of how unexpectedly and nonchalantly she said it. But we keep talking and she let’s me in on some drama between her and Ben. Apparently Ben is an extremely jealous type of person, and also a bisexual. He gets extremely sour when Beth is sleeping with the same guy he slept with. So much so that he called her an “ordinary whore” when he found out. I asked her why she would even take such an insult. Well apparently she had an abusive father and doesn’t know how to deal with verbal abuse very well. So anyway Ben being the jealous type that he is has decided to “claim” five people, for Beth to stay away from. Even, and I specifically asked about this, if these people are heterosexual. And here comes the kicker I am one those five people.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I absolutely couldn’t believe it. I am so outraged, I am absolutely livid, both for my and Beth’s sake. How is she an ordinary whore, when you lose your fucking mind at concept of her sleeping with other men??? Even men who aren’t even interested in you??? Also how the fuck do you treat a friend like that?? I, and the same goes for the other five, am not some sort of dog for you to claim, that’s absolutely disgusting!
So now I am at a point where I am like: “I’ll show this sorry son of a bitch where it’s at!” You know, by sleeping with Beth. But I don’t think I fully like her that way, as I said she is on the heavier side of the scale, and sort wanted to wait until I meet someone I genuinely like. At the same time it would really be fun to put this bastard in his place. But I feel like where I am throwing fuel to the fire and hoping for an explosion I could just as easily make this whole thingamajig even worse.
So what do you guys think? Stupid, right? Well that’s what this community is for.
TLDR: There is this guy who is (allegedly) a jealous bounder. I am really mad at him and feel bad for this girl. I feel like getting back at him by sleeping with her. But I don’t particularly find her attractive. Anyway, smart or stupid plan?
Revenge is never worth it.
Never. No matter what ‘it’ is.
Well, if it costs you absolutely nothing… you might think. But here in this case you are talking about a case where it costs you a lot. So: don’t!
And even if you think that it costs you absolutely nothing, then it still costs you your nerve, a whole lot of extra negativity going round and round in your brain, etc. Better detach yourself from all of it.
Virginity isn’t real.
Sleeping with someone should be about the two of your doing it. Don’t sleep with person A because of your feelings for person B, that’s fucked.
Remove yourself from their drama. Your own story has nothing to do with them.
I missed the part where Beth is at all interested in this plan, especially with its intent. That’s kinda important.
May the bridges you burn light your way through the world.
You don’t show him the stupidity of his ways by sleeping with that lady. You either find a way to confront him about that. Or you unattach yourself from this toxic person by finding other, better friends. Frankly, I would give him a piece of my mind and then find other friends anyway.
Tldr, not worth the energy.
Think about how you’ll feel in 5 years looking back, and you’ll appreciate waiting for the right person.
I’d recommend trying to have a mature conversation with Ben, and if it goes well, great! If not, then it’s keeping Ben at an arms length and not letting them get closer. And advising the same for Beth.
As long as you try to stay cool headed, you shouldn’t do something you’ll regret later on in life. As long as Ben can have a mature conversation about relationships and “ownership” of relationships, and how language can hurt people’s feelings (which is kindergarten shit, Ben…) you should be able to maintain a decent friendship. If you’re cool about it, at least you can say if things go south it’s Ben who is/was the problem.
So, you’re a (1) university student (2) in a fraternity who encountered a fellow student (a) who is verbally and emotionally abusing an intimate partner.
(1+2)*A = you are a member of two distinct organizations which have some form of code of conduct, and have at.the very least an ethical responsibility to inform about the presumable violation of said codes of conduct.
Do not begin an intimate relationship with either “Beth” or “Ben”. Especially not out of anger.
Your fraternity and university both should have someone you can talk to about reporting unethical actions, who can refer you to people far more knowledgeable about the rules, responsibilities, and laws that apply to you than pseudo-anonymous strangers on the internet ever could.
“sigaret?”
@grimreaper@sopuli.xyz is this your alt?
Doubt it. No age gap or superheroes involved.
But there is virginity.
That doesn’t sound like it would work. Ben would continue to treat Beth poorly, and your relationship with him wouldn’t improve in any way. Don’t ditch your principles for the sake of revenge.
Either distance yourself from Ben, or try to have a serious talk with him. Be the adult in the room.
Tell your hormones to chill out.
One of the first rules I have is to be honest with people, even if it hurts, and even if it burns enough bridges to ruin my own life. It seems your thoughts do not coincide with this, and quite frankly, you’re thinking of doing something very bad morally & ethically, considering Beth most likely is not into you either, and is not a petty person — you are thinking of manipulating a person which does not even deserve it. You’ll be hurting a good, genuine person who does not deserve to be in such crossfire; odds are, the other guy would retaliate.
Another thing I haven’t mentioned quite yet is that the other guy may be grooming you, so-to-speak, to mark his territory — and he may even do it more forcefully —, so watch out for yourself.
However, if she hypothetically was considering doing the same, I would not be against it.
TL;DR: Move on, but tread very lightly. You might be in danger of being drugged by Ben, but don’t quote me on that one.
Terrible idea, would only make things worse
