Hang in there comrade, and to comment similar to another here: for the love of all that is good please never ever ever consume synthetic cannabis again. It’s really dangerous, doubly so for a person with PTSD. Spoken as myself some who also has PTSD and consumes real cannabis daily to help my own problems, the synthetic shit is 100% anti-theraputic. If I may kindly suggest, keep working out and staying active (and staying jacked apparently). And try to find some like minded kinfolk to keep you grounded in the real world. I know it’s easier said than done, and I’m no perfect example. But I feel for you and hope you can figure it out. Hugs from NL

Ideally: Would try to heal from the current hell and go back to studying/writing/performing music but I feel like I’m too far damaged to really enjoy it without fear and anxiety that I should be doing something else. So then would try to focus on agronomic research and trying to implement sustainable agri/permaculture at large scale for staple items like grains and tree fruits, and at small/home scale for fresh greens and softer fruits. One can dream.

Most likely: Obsessively try to do everything to protect the revolution and die of a heart attack way too young. I guess I’m channeling my inner Lenin or something.