I get where you’re coming from but I’ve conceptually divorced my brother from these black and white dichotomies for my whole life, and to what cost on my own psyche? Ultimately we do have to pick sides and cultivate our own systems of values based on the world around us. He is not a neutral individual, nor am I.

To me there is only one true dichotomy and he has chosen the side of oligarchy and I have not.

I relate to this very strongly. And maybe it’s not an AITAH type question — I think of it as doing something for myself more than anything else. Sure I might lose relationships with family members but what will I gain emotionally and mentally? And will that outweigh the familial loss in the long run? … Lots to think about

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Who are “they” in this situation? Maybe I’m completely blinded by leftist propaganda but the divide seems pretty inherent to the differences in my brother’s values to my own.

Perhaps I should clarify things even further:

They are actually already married and I was at their first wedding. It was done at the courthouse during the pandemic so they could initiate her greencard application. This upcoming wedding is more of a celebration for the families.

I have two other brothers who are not going for unrelated reasons.

Not that these facts necessarily change anything, I felt they’re worth bearing in mind.

I have compromised with my family my entire life and it has taken a mental toll on me. They have talked down to me and ridiculed my values for much of my life. I am deeply committed to human rights on a personal level and spend much of my free time volunteering in my community. These are not minor values. Perhaps I’m being extreme but making light of a nazi salute is also quite extreme.