I’ve gone 41 years now without once considering what a dragons diet consists of. Then you come in here like “HEY GUYS!!! SCIENCE!!! Also what do dragons eat?”

And now I’ll forever be pissed off that it becomes an answer with no wrong answer, and no right answer. Only unproven theories with varying levels of absurdity. You say he eats coal. Maybe I say they eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Your answer makes sense. My answer isn’t wrong, and thus still valid.

And with that comes an open invitation to come up with the dumbest answer possible, knowing it can never be wrong. No matter how wrong it is.

reminds you of the newest bullshit going on in the news

Jay Leno voice

“Hey, did’ja see this? Did’ja hear about this??”

straightens chin as if it were a tie

…I wonder if the reference is too old to land.

My issue is finding peertube content.

“Do you want video on linux?”

“No.”

“Alright. Do you want videos on…linux?”

“NO!”

“Ok, hmmmm…Do you want these 8000+ videos from Veronica making linux content?”

“NO!!!”

“Ok…Veronica just posted a new video 14 seconds ago. I’m just going to leave this here for you.”

leaves peertube

…you’re at the grocery store, who for some reason is using the endcap as water?

So are these mushrooms that get you high, or mushrooms that you put on pizza?

Well not with the cost of eggs these days!!!

…wait…I think I just uncovered a completely insane but also totally logical conspiracy theory.

THATS WHY EGGS ARE SO EXPENSIVE!!! TRUMP DOESN’T WANT TO PAY EXTRA HOURS FOR CLEANERS TO CLEAN HIS BUILDINGS WINDOWS EVERY 5 MINUTES!!!

Does that check out, or am I just high?

I see it now…but it kinda looks like a dragon.

You should stay home. Everything the Switch 2 has shown me has been disapointing. I WANT to like Switch 2. I just don’t.

Also why isn’t it called the “Switcharoo”???

Iwata is missed.

Anything is a mug if your willing to drink out of it.

My butthole for instance.

I’m reading this while on a bus packed to the brim of people going downtown for a protest.

I don’t think I’m seeing the value here. Why would you want to track him?

This makes me feel old. I came from a time when schools didn’t have public shootings, and so bullying was more accepted. I CANNOT imagine for the life of me, even if it had been possible on Windows 95, anyone willingly sharing the fact that they do this.

If ANYONE in 6th grade showed off something this pathetic, they would be on the ground clutching their gut, which had just been punched so hard that they are struggling to breathe.

The end result is that people understood common sense that it’s not admirable to be pathetic and weak. So people would show off themselves getting better and stronger.

I feel like all that bullying 30 years ago made a lot of kids better for it, because it forced them to at least ATTEMPT to stand up to me. Even if I laid them out in the end, they learned not to be a loser.

And now, we’ve had decades of not encouraging bullys. THIS is the end result. THIS is what these insecure cowards turn into.

Now I’ve never seen OP, but I’m willing to bet he COULD be going out and getting pussy for real. It’s not hard. I am not a good looking guy. I’m not rich. I don’t have a sports car. I don’t have a mansion. What I do have is a confidence in myself instilled into me at a young age that I can do it. Where “it” is an interchangable variable that applies to most things.

You know how I got that confidence? By being a fat pathetic loser 8 year old who got bullied. Until I hauled off and just decked my bully. Who was bigger than me. You get a reputation as the kid who knocked out the kid 2 grades above him. Then you start believing in yourself. You start pushing your own limits. You start kicking your own ass. You toughen up. You take on the world, and win. And women see that confidence. The VAST majority of women are attracted to a man who knows he can do it.

You know how I got my first girlfriend? I called the girl I had a crush on. Straight up asked her out.

She said no. I’m not her type. Fair enough. Because if a woman says no, there’s no sense in insisting, or getting mad.

So I called the other girl I had been talking to. I said “You wanna go out?” And she said yes. We dated for 4 years until I learned she was a narcassistic psychopath who trapped our cats in the closet all day while I was at work, after dropping them in freezing cold water. I was not ok with that. You hurt animals, and you’re a damn monster. BUT! It was a relationship that failed not because I was weak and keeled over. It was because I happened to choose the wrong girl based on information I didn’t have. It happens. Not every person on this planet is a good person. Her parents failed her in showing what empathy is, and how to be a strong woman who can handle life. So, that was a dud, but life moves on.

Now rewind that story. Imagine I just stayed in my moms basement, and ate cheetos, and tried playing video games all day in a dark room crying that woman wants me. Do you think I’d EVER get a girl? Her or otherwise? Fuck no! If that version of me existed, afraid to be bold, afraid to take life by the balls, I’d be some lonely dweeb 40 year old virgin without the humor of Steve Carell.

So to OP, I’ll say this. I see life has failed you in a spectacular way. You should have been beaten as a kid by other kids, and weren’t. You should have had the chance to beat your bullys, but couldn’t because of school policy and anti-bully culture. Life failed you. You have no confidence. That needs to change. Go look in the mirror. Take a good long look. Do you enjoy seeing the person who stares back? No. We see you the same way you’re seeing you. So you need to change that. Nut up, and go join a gym. Take a boxing class. Get hit in the face. Take it. Again. Again. Hit back. Be the person who’s burried underneith all your insecurities. Fuck those insecurities. You have no room in your life for insecurities. Work out until you hurt. Jelly legs where you’re so tender that walking is hard. Jelly arms. Do it again tomorrow. And the next day. Do it about 4 days a week for 6 hours.

Be better. Improve yourself. You’re lonely and insecure? Yeah, that’s because women see you being gross and not worth talking to. BE worth talking to. It only gets harder as you get older. You can spend your 20s sleeping around, but you better find somebody by 30. Because after that, it is slim pickings unless you want a girl with like 5 kids by 3 different men but she’s insisting you go bareback. There’s a reason she collects so many checks. You wanna be next?

Or do you want to avoid that now by being a better you?

Because this? This is sad.

…is it?

I like Animal Crossing and Minecraft.

Perhaps I should try Terreria?

You need more upvotes. You’re aggressive, harsh, and direct with your words.

But also correct. More people need to be harsh towards this type of behavior. Why are societies kid gloves still on?

My guy! Have I got a Weird Al song for you…

God dammit. Why couldn’t THIS headline have been from the onion???

People on dating sites always want to know what your hobbies are. They’ll have pictures of them skydiving, and lion taming, and parasailing, and being shot out of a cannon. Then they want to know what I do for fun.

WHY IS “NOTHING” NOT A VALID ANSWER??? I just want to get home, do nothing, and eventually it’s bed time. What’s wrong with that?

R.I.P this mans marriage.

I am trying to imagine a woman sitting cross legged, but somehow have her foot behind her knee where it bends. And I cannot imagine that without the visual looking like some glitchy AI image. Like the leg would have to bend in half between the knee and the ankle for that to happen.

LADY!!! HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS??? This is like some circus side show shit. There’s the man with a beard of bees, and the woman who can bend her leg in inhuman ways. Are you SURE you have bones? Wait, are you a cat? Have cats finally gained sentience within the human world, and begun understanding human languages and also technology? I knew this day would come. I hope everyone realizes that the 48th president is going to be a cat. And they will enact laws such as “Mandatory knocking things off tables” laws. They’ll also make it mandatory for you to open the door for them, so that they can sit there and mentally laugh at how ridiculous you look opening the door for them at their beck and call. Your cat owns you. Your cat laughs at how pathetic you look scooping their poop. That’s why they poop IMMEDIATELY after you spend 30 minutes cleaning their litter box. IMMEDIATE poop. I mean like you haven’t even gotten up off the floor yet, and they’re already in there pooping. Just to show you that they don’t appreciate your work at all. They poop on your hard work. Literally. And then every morning you’ll wake up to them inserting their butthole right into your face. They haven’t figured out how to just sit on your face, but they’re trying real hard. You’re their servant, and they love it. Now they’re going into politics.

And honestly? I’m kind of looking forward to it. That’s how bad trumps presidency is. I am now willingly open to the idea of a cat as president instead of him. Knowing full well how much of a little asshole cats are, it can’t possibly be worse than trump.