Thanks for posting! I’ll enjoy this.

Thanks, I don’t usually worry about god but I was having what I believe to be a manic episode a few weeks ago and that always stirs these worries up. I wish that would just go away but I don’t want to get diagnosed as I am already dosed up to the eyeballs with meds with awful side effects, and I’m worried if I’m deemed to be insane my right to refuse medications might be taken away.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I have thought about it, but last time I asked (for depression and anxiety) I was on the waiting list for 5 years, only to get useless “help.” I actually did mention this religious delusion stuff to my last therapist but one, but she didn’t know what to say about it and just dismissed it. I know what will happen, they’ll prescribe medication, which I don’t want as I already have so many side effects due to my current meds, and I’ll be on the waiting list for years and they’ll be no help. I’ll think about it though.

I did go to a priest during one of these episodes and was told I was in a state of grace.

I know that rationally when it wears off, but I assume it’s a mental illness, there’s no rationality involved while it’s happening.

Thanks. I can’t imagine ever being in a stable position though. My health is deteriorating and they give such short benefit awards, in no time I’ll be reassessed again.

I know what you mean about feeling guilty about everything though. On top of everything I feel guilty that my whole life has been a waste that has achieved nothing but there’s just nothing I can do about it, it’s a struggle to even get through each day.

I think you should allow yourself some new underwear if you can afford it though. It’s a need, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with even enjoying some pleasures like eating out if it’s available to you. But it can be hard to overcome guilt.

The Last Unicorn.

Amazon just offered me a deal of 3 months for 99p a month so I think I’ll just do that, but thanks.

It’s starting today in the UK, on amazon MGM, one episode a week, but I’m really bad with technology, I feel I have brain fog and cognitive impairment from my illness and medical treatments and struggle to do things other people find basic. Now I have an income I’ll probably just wait until all the episodes are up and then pay for one month, but thanks.

Thank you so much, this is the most welcoming and friendly and accepting place I’ve ever found.

Sorry to hear you’ve gone through it too. I’ve actually found that Labour are more hateful to us than the conservatives, I mean they’re both awful to the disabled but Labour seem to make it even harder to get any help and they are the ones who started the Wok Capability Assessment.

Thank you, and that’s OK, I have always remembered and appreciated the help you’ve given me.

Thank you. Mine isn’t an indefinite claim though, it’s final date when payments must stop is March 2029, and they could stop any time after March 2028 depending on how soon after that I get reassessed. The only way to avoid the payments stopping is to win another assessment before March 2029. What country are you in?

I’ve had similar issues during assessments, making me perform like a monkey, trying to make me stand on one leg, bend over etc. I think the worst was when I was explaining to the assessor that I had lost some vision in a stroke and am now partially sighted. I explained how it makes it dangerous for me to cross roads etc without help. She asked if I wear glasses, and I said yes because my remaining vision is short sighted. She asked if that makes the missing vision come back. I said no, but she wrote in the assessment paper that I can see perfectly when I wear glasses. She also suggested that when I’m out I should constantly rotate my head around in a circle to give me a full range of vision - voila I’m therefore not short sighted any more and this was used as part of the reason to deny my claim.

Thank you.

Not too regularly, because they are still going to be regularly checking claimants bank accounts, but I could accept occasional gifts if they are labelled as gifts (I’m not allowed to earn money.)

I don’t just “let” myself rot and it’s very annoying when people say things like that. You clearly have no idea what it’s like dealing with cancer, its treatment and the after effects of a stroke, all at once while being dosed up to the eyeballs on many medications with a lot of side effects, and spending whole days and nights at a time at the hospital. It’s also a full time job dealing with my benefit appeal, attending and organising hospital appointments, accessing medication and food, trying to arrange hospital transport, trying to raise enough mutual aid to stay fed etc. And all this while exhausted and sick. This is not letting myself rot, this is me doing the best I can and having no energy left for anything extra.

I guess I’ve come to accept my basic situation, the sickness and disability are just a part of life now, that’s not going away. But the way society treats me makes it so much worse than it needs to be. I get reassessed for my benefits so frequently, it can take up to a year to go through the assessment process, then I get failed and have to go through appeal, and then if I win I get granted as little as two years before going through it all again. During these times I have no income, get into debt as deep as I can before they stop offering me more credit, and now I’ve ended up here begging for handouts. It’s this aspect which makes it so much worse because it just doesn’t have to be like this, society has decided to make it like this because it hates disabled and unemployed people so much. There’s also the constant threat of losing benefits permanently or being forced to work in this state, the government is always threatening these things. So even when I manage to pass a benefit assessment or win an appeal, I just live in a constant state of anxiety about how soon I have to go through it again, and there’s never enough time to pay off all the debts I’ve accrued during periods of no income. This will just never end.

And even on mutual aid, sometimes there’s no response, or it takes weeks and multiple posts to get a response. Thank god someone sent me a supermarket voucher this last time, but I’m always worried when it runs out nobody might respond again, it’s literally the only way I have to eat as the food bank only gives 9 days worth of food every 6 months, and all other sources of help have been stopped. I always have so many things I need but can’t buy, like right now I really need laundry disinfectant (because my skin is covered with infections that spread) but no-one is answering that mutual aid request, and there are various items I always need like eczema cream, that runs out quickly and things like that, but there’s no point making more mutual aid posts if the previous one hasn’t been answered. And just for some enjoyment in life, I wish I could order a takeaway and pay for the TV series I want to watch but there’s no point making mutual aid requests for a justeat gift card or amazon gift card, they are unlikely to be answered.

It just makes life suck more than it needs to having to beg for everything, relying on charity and knowing that even if I win my benefit appeal it will only be for a short time, then I might have to go through this again repeatedly until I finally die. Death is the only thing that will end this situation and even then I’m so paranoid that hell exists and I will go there (for shoplifting, which i’ve done a lot of over the years due to poverty). it just feels like there’s no escape, ever.

He could easily invite me. He knew my address. As far as hobbies i do want to learn to draw but my brain fog from my cancer treatment is so bad I just can’t concentrate. And I love hiking but I’m permanently crippled after having a stroke. Everything else costs money, I can’t even afford to do simple things. I’m a huge fan of the Outlander series and the new season starts on Sunday, can’t even afford an amazon subscription to the channel.