this is pretty much just regular modern english with some chronolectal terms and jocular genitive constructions thrown in

“this station of play, fifth of its variant” is pretty funny though

It’s not even early modern English. Shakespeare is Early Modern English, and takes more effort to understand than this does. This just uses words and phrases that have been unfashionable for one or two hundred years, and were generally posher than most people used even when they were in vogue.

i suspect this funny tic toc may not be historically accurate