'A Canada that it would be very easy to target with 500% steel tariffs, or one patriot missile aimed at Parliament Hill,’ he added, rather incredulously.

OK, that’s pretty crazy to think that someone thought this was real, but maybe the rest of the Beaverton article made it sound like something that should be taken seriously?

The Ambassador added, “We need to take the tone and tenor of the debate down, and by ‘we’ I mean ‘entirely Canada’ because you are all weak losers who would be better off as the 51st State.”

Come on, really?

Hoekstra then poured out a bottle of Labatt Blue while spitting on a photo of Terry Fox, before decrying how “it’s so difficult to find Canadians who are passionate about the American-Canadian relationship”.

Really, no one realized this is satire?

“When our own glorious President Trump, long may he reign, threatens to kick Canada out of the 5 Eyes intelligence group, or to economically annex your crappy country, that comes from a place of love,” Hoekstra added while kicking a live beaver.

Seriously?

“When I was Trump’s ambassador to the Netherlands, which is also a complete shit hole, I had a lot of success illegally fundraising for radical right political groups,” Hoekstra recalled while whipping Tim Horton’s doughnuts at the crowd. “Tell me, who do you have that’s to the right of Maxime Bernier?”

How?

Hoekstra then ended his speech by urinating on a stack of vintage Anne Murray records.

HOW???