A long, long, looooonnng, time ago, I went on a date to see a movie. This was before smart phones were super common and neither of us really bothered to look into what the movie was about before we went. It was an Adam Sandler movie that came out after Punch Drunk Love (but way before he did anything like Uncut Gems), so we both went in with the expectation it would probably just be a light hearted comedy with maybe a few more serious moments sprinkled in.
We were already in a long term relationship and knew each other pretty well, so it wasn’t supposed to be a super romantic date or anything. It was more just lets hang out and spend a fun day together, so I made us some weed brownies and snuck them in to share so we could giggle and watch this funny movie together.
Here is the description of the movie we saw that day:
When seasoned comedian George Simmons learns of his terminal, inoperable health condition, his desire to form a genuine friendship causes him to take a relatively green performer under his wing as his opening act.
We’d already settled in and eaten the brownies, and they were just starting to kick in when we realized this wasn’t going to be as light hearted as we thought.
If you’ve ever ingested THC you might already know that some people can have a much more intense experience compared to what they’re used to having from just inhaling it. The person I was dating was one of those people, and eventually he realized he just couldn’t handle eating THC, but this date occured several years before he finally accepted that truth.
So, we sit through this movie, and I can’t really remember much of what happened other than the general theme of coming to terms with your own mortality. I don’t remember it being funny at all. I think there were jokes, but I don’t think we actually laughed the entire time except for the opening scene.
The movie finally ends and the credits start to roll. Everyone gets up around us and starts walking out, but when I stood up to leave he stopped me and asked if we could just wait until people cleared out a little more.
I said ok and we just sat there a while longer. The credits were still rolling, but we were the only people left in the theater and the ushers were standing at the back clearly waiting for us to hurry up and get out so they could sweep before the next movie.
He said something about not being able to go back through the lobby, and said he wanted to go out the door near the screen instead because it led directly outside to the parking lot.
We open the door, step out, and I guess it was kind of jarring for him to go from the dark theater directly into the extremely bright sunshine because he started having a panic attack before we could even reach the car.
I tried to calm him down, but he didn’t want to talk. We hadn’t eaten all day other than the weed brownies so I figured maybe he would feel better if he got some food, but I had also eaten a brownie and I didn’t want to drive too far.
Since we didn’t have smart phones I couldn’t look up what was in the area, but I remembered there was a Chinese buffet pretty close that I had been to once before. I figured that would be a nice quiet place for us to go so he could calm down.
Except when we got there, I guess a family was having a birthday party and it was absolutely packed. It felt more like a giant cafeteria and there were people at every single table talking really loud and celebrating. Then they started playing this same song over and over on a continuous loop like a weird horror movie:
Like it would end and then just start up again like it was going to be playing for all eternity. It was so fucking bizarre I couldn’t help but start laughing because it was such a weird situation.
He was mumbling “oh my God,” over and over, but I thought he was just joking about it being so ridiculous. Then around the 5th time it started up again he was suddenly like “I have to go now!” and basically bolted out the door and back to the car.
We get back in the car, and he goes “I think I’m having a stroke. I need you to call 911!”
So, I tried to calm him down and tell him, Hey, you’re ok, you’re not having a stroke. I’m pretty sure you’re just having a panic attack. Let me just take you home so you can lay down for a while.
He kept begging me to call 911, so I started driving him back home. Then, while I was driving he pulled out his own phone and tried to call 911! and I had to wrestle it away from him with one hand while driving, and, then when I did manage to get it away he screamed at me “You bitch! I can’t believe you’re going to let me die because you don’t want to get in trouble!” 😵💫…
There was a good 5 mins or so of total silence where neither of us said anything. I get he was scared, but he’d never said anything like that to me before and I was pretty pissed.
Finally, I just told him if he wanted to go to the ER I would drive him, but if he called 911 and it turned out he was just having a panic attack, he could also end up in trouble.
That seemed to sober him up a bit and he calmed down enough to let me just take him back home for a while. I laid on the bed still annoyed about the whole day and pretty pissed at him while he searched the internet on his desktop to figure out if he was actually having a stroke (btw we had taken the brownies like 3+ hrs earlier by this point).
Finally after looking things up and convincing himself he was indeed having something like a stroke, he said he still wanted to go to the ER. I was so fucking annoyed by this point but I just threw up my hands and said fine, whatever. This is fucking dumb. Lets go.
We don’t talk the whole way there, we get to the ER and just sit in this busy waiting room still not talking. Finally they call him back and I stay in the waiting room.
I sat there by myself for an hour or so just kind of rolling my eyes and thinking about how fucking ridiculous it was, and how it had ruined the whole day.
Finally, a chaplain came out into the waiting room and called my name. Then he asks if I’m there with my boyfriend… And for a moment I had my own mini panic attack of “Ohshitohshit did they send the chaplain to tell me he was actually having a stroke the whole fucking time?!”
It turns out that nope, the hospital was just understaffed that day, and he was sent to give me an update. It turns out he was totally fine. It was just a panic attack, and the next day he thanked me for not letting him call 911.
Anyway, that was my worst date that turned into a very shitty day and ended with a visit to the ER.
A long, long, looooonnng, time ago, I went on a date to see a movie. This was before smart phones were super common and neither of us really bothered to look into what the movie was about before we went. It was an Adam Sandler movie that came out after Punch Drunk Love (but way before he did anything like Uncut Gems), so we both went in with the expectation it would probably just be a light hearted comedy with maybe a few more serious moments sprinkled in.
We were already in a long term relationship and knew each other pretty well, so it wasn’t supposed to be a super romantic date or anything. It was more just lets hang out and spend a fun day together, so I made us some weed brownies and snuck them in to share so we could giggle and watch this funny movie together.
Here is the description of the movie we saw that day:
We’d already settled in and eaten the brownies, and they were just starting to kick in when we realized this wasn’t going to be as light hearted as we thought.
If you’ve ever ingested THC you might already know that some people can have a much more intense experience compared to what they’re used to having from just inhaling it. The person I was dating was one of those people, and eventually he realized he just couldn’t handle eating THC, but this date occured several years before he finally accepted that truth.
So, we sit through this movie, and I can’t really remember much of what happened other than the general theme of coming to terms with your own mortality. I don’t remember it being funny at all. I think there were jokes, but I don’t think we actually laughed the entire time except for the opening scene.
The movie finally ends and the credits start to roll. Everyone gets up around us and starts walking out, but when I stood up to leave he stopped me and asked if we could just wait until people cleared out a little more.
I said ok and we just sat there a while longer. The credits were still rolling, but we were the only people left in the theater and the ushers were standing at the back clearly waiting for us to hurry up and get out so they could sweep before the next movie.
He said something about not being able to go back through the lobby, and said he wanted to go out the door near the screen instead because it led directly outside to the parking lot.
We open the door, step out, and I guess it was kind of jarring for him to go from the dark theater directly into the extremely bright sunshine because he started having a panic attack before we could even reach the car.
I tried to calm him down, but he didn’t want to talk. We hadn’t eaten all day other than the weed brownies so I figured maybe he would feel better if he got some food, but I had also eaten a brownie and I didn’t want to drive too far.
Since we didn’t have smart phones I couldn’t look up what was in the area, but I remembered there was a Chinese buffet pretty close that I had been to once before. I figured that would be a nice quiet place for us to go so he could calm down.
Except when we got there, I guess a family was having a birthday party and it was absolutely packed. It felt more like a giant cafeteria and there were people at every single table talking really loud and celebrating. Then they started playing this same song over and over on a continuous loop like a weird horror movie:
Happy Birthday (Sheng Ri Kuai Le)
Like it would end and then just start up again like it was going to be playing for all eternity. It was so fucking bizarre I couldn’t help but start laughing because it was such a weird situation.
He was mumbling “oh my God,” over and over, but I thought he was just joking about it being so ridiculous. Then around the 5th time it started up again he was suddenly like “I have to go now!” and basically bolted out the door and back to the car.
We get back in the car, and he goes “I think I’m having a stroke. I need you to call 911!”
So, I tried to calm him down and tell him, Hey, you’re ok, you’re not having a stroke. I’m pretty sure you’re just having a panic attack. Let me just take you home so you can lay down for a while.
He kept begging me to call 911, so I started driving him back home. Then, while I was driving he pulled out his own phone and tried to call 911! and I had to wrestle it away from him with one hand while driving, and, then when I did manage to get it away he screamed at me “You bitch! I can’t believe you’re going to let me die because you don’t want to get in trouble!” 😵💫…
There was a good 5 mins or so of total silence where neither of us said anything. I get he was scared, but he’d never said anything like that to me before and I was pretty pissed.
Finally, I just told him if he wanted to go to the ER I would drive him, but if he called 911 and it turned out he was just having a panic attack, he could also end up in trouble.
That seemed to sober him up a bit and he calmed down enough to let me just take him back home for a while. I laid on the bed still annoyed about the whole day and pretty pissed at him while he searched the internet on his desktop to figure out if he was actually having a stroke (btw we had taken the brownies like 3+ hrs earlier by this point).
Finally after looking things up and convincing himself he was indeed having something like a stroke, he said he still wanted to go to the ER. I was so fucking annoyed by this point but I just threw up my hands and said fine, whatever. This is fucking dumb. Lets go.
We don’t talk the whole way there, we get to the ER and just sit in this busy waiting room still not talking. Finally they call him back and I stay in the waiting room.
I sat there by myself for an hour or so just kind of rolling my eyes and thinking about how fucking ridiculous it was, and how it had ruined the whole day.
Finally, a chaplain came out into the waiting room and called my name. Then he asks if I’m there with my boyfriend… And for a moment I had my own mini panic attack of “Ohshitohshit did they send the chaplain to tell me he was actually having a stroke the whole fucking time?!”
It turns out that nope, the hospital was just understaffed that day, and he was sent to give me an update. It turns out he was totally fine. It was just a panic attack, and the next day he thanked me for not letting him call 911.
Anyway, that was my worst date that turned into a very shitty day and ended with a visit to the ER.